I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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