i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
