before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
