All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
