I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
