some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
