new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
