I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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