Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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