I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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