he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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