im drinking this country out of the recession.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
