Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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