If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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