Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Randomize
