I'm going to jail i love you
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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