i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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