I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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