there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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