i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
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