I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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