dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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