Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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