Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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