last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
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If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
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He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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