Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
