the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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