Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
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I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
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I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize