It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
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the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
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I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
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