can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
