This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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