sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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