I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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