she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
