Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize