It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
