omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
