You're earring is so big in my mouth
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
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