you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
