I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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