Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Randomize
