I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
