the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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