If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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