So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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