Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
