Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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