I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Randomize
