i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
