Sry I called you an 8
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
