just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize