The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
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