She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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