So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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