call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize