we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
