so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
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Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
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I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
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