put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
