My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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