don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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